Concerned Mother: Daughter’s classmate behaving arrogantly because classmate’s mother is a volunteer at school

Dear Agony Aunt,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to seek your advice regarding a troubling situation involving my daughter, who is in primary school. Recently, she confided in me about her classmate, who seems to be acting quite arrogantly at school.

It turns out that this classmate’s mother has been volunteering at the school and is teaching one of the extra subjects. My daughter mentioned that this woman behaves as though she is a teacher, which has made her daughter feel superior to the other kids. My daughter feels uncomfortable with the way this classmate treats her and others, and she has expressed concerns about what she perceives as an abuse of power.

I want to support my daughter and help her navigate this situation, but I’m unsure how to approach it. Should I speak to the school about this? Or should I encourage my daughter to handle it on her own? I don’t want to escalate things unnecessarily, but I also don’t want her to feel powerless.

Thank you for your guidance.

Warm regards,
Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your daughter’s experience at school. It’s clear that you care deeply about her well-being, and it’s commendable that you’re seeking advice on how to handle this situation.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge your daughter’s feelings. Navigating social dynamics at such a young age can be challenging, especially when there are power imbalances at play. It’s not uncommon for children to feel intimidated by peers who seem to have an advantage, particularly when a parent is involved in a school setting.

Here are a few steps you might consider:

1. Open Dialogue: Continue to have open conversations with your daughter about her feelings. Encourage her to express her thoughts and reassure her that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about the situation. This will help her feel supported and understood.
2. Empower Her: Teach your daughter strategies for dealing with difficult social situations. Role-playing scenarios can help her practice how to respond assertively but respectfully to her classmate. This can boost her confidence and help her feel more in control.
3. Talk to the Teacher: If the situation persists and your daughter continues to feel uncomfortable, it may be worth discussing it with her teacher. Teachers are trained to handle such dynamics and can observe the interactions in the classroom. They may be able to address the behavior without escalating the situation further.
4. Encourage Inclusivity: Encourage your daughter to engage with other classmates and foster friendships outside of this particular dynamic. Building a strong support network can help her feel more secure and less affected by the behavior of one individual.
5. Monitor the Situation: Keep an eye on how things develop. If the behavior of the classmate or her mother escalates or becomes more concerning, you may need to take further action, such as speaking to school administration.

Remember, it’s essential to approach this situation delicately. You want to empower your daughter without making her feel like she’s in a conflict. By providing her with tools to navigate her feelings and the situation, you’re helping her develop resilience and social skills that will serve her well in the future.

I hope this advice helps you and your daughter find a way through this challenging situation. Please feel free to reach out again if you need further support.

Warm wishes,
Agony Aunt