Concerned Mother: My son becoming more aggressive in Primary School

Dear Agony Aunt,

Recently, I received a call from his teacher, who expressed her worries about my son getting into fights and bullying other children. This news shocked me, as I have always tried to teach him the importance of kindness and respect.

After speaking with him and some other parents, I discovered that my son has actually been the target of bullying himself. He has been trying to stand up for himself, but in doing so, he has become more aggressive and is now perceived as the bully. I am at a loss about how to handle this situation. I want to support him in standing up for himself, but I also don’t want him to be seen as the aggressor.

What should I do to help my son navigate this difficult situation? I want him to feel empowered but also to learn how to handle conflicts in a healthy way.

Thank you for your guidance.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your son. It’s clear that you care deeply for him and want to support him through this challenging time.

First, it’s important to acknowledge your son’s feelings. Being bullied can be incredibly difficult for a child, and it’s understandable that he would want to stand up for himself. However, it’s crucial to help him understand that aggression is not the best way to deal with conflict. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Open Communication: Keep the lines of communication open with your son. Encourage him to share his feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. Let him know that it’s okay to talk about being bullied and that you are there to support him.
2. Teach Conflict Resolution: Help him learn alternative ways to handle bullying. Role-playing scenarios can be a great way to practice responses that are assertive yet non-aggressive. Teach him phrases he can use to express himself without resorting to violence.
3. Work with the School: It might be beneficial to have a meeting with his teacher and possibly the school counselor. They can provide additional support and resources, and it’s essential for them to understand the full context of the situation.
4. Encourage Friendships: Help your son build friendships with peers who share similar interests. Having a supportive group can make a significant difference in his confidence and help him feel less isolated.
5. Model Positive Behavior: Children often learn by observing their parents. Show him how to handle conflicts in your own life with calmness and respect. Share stories of your own experiences with bullying and how you dealt with them.
6. Consider Professional Help: If his behavior continues or worsens, it may be helpful to speak with a child psychologist. They can provide strategies tailored to your son’s needs and help him process his feelings.

Remember, it’s a process, and change won’t happen overnight. With your love and guidance, your son can learn to stand up for himself in a healthier way. You’re doing a great job by seeking help and being proactive.

Take care,
Agony Aunt