Concerned Mother: Son says all his friends are using iPhones except for him
Dear Agony Aunt,
I hope this email finds you well. I’m reaching out because I’m deeply concerned about my 10-year-old son. He is in primary school and has recently expressed feelings of embarrassment and anxiety because most of his friends have iPhones, while he doesn’t have any mobile phone at all.
He comes home in tears, feeling left out and worried that he’s missing out on important social interactions and connections. I’ve tried to explain to him that he doesn’t need a phone at his age and that being present with friends is far more valuable than having the latest gadgets.
However, he insists that without one, he feels isolated, and I can see how it’s affecting his self-esteem. I really don’t think it’s necessary for him to have a mobile phone at this age, but I also don’t want him to feel ostracized or different from his peers.
How do I reassure him without compromising our values? Should I consider getting him a phone just to alleviate his worries, or is there a better way to handle this situation?
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom,
Thank you for writing in and sharing your concerns about your son. It’s clear that you care deeply for him, and your instincts to protect him from unnecessary pressures are commendable.
First, it’s important to acknowledge that the world has changed, and technology has become a significant part of children’s social lives. Your son’s feelings of embarrassment and exclusion are valid, especially when he sees his friends engaging in group chats or sharing experiences through their devices.
While it’s understandable that you feel he doesn’t need a mobile phone at his age, it’s also essential to strike a balance between your values and his social needs. Here are some thoughts on how to navigate this situation:
- Open Dialogue: Have a candid conversation with your son about his feelings. Ask him about his friends, how they use their phones, and what makes him feel left out. This can help you understand the depth of his concerns and show him that you value his opinions.
- Explore Alternatives: If the main concern is connection, consider discussing other ways he can stay in touch with his friends, like using a family shared tablet or a basic phone that allows calls and texts. This way, he can participate in social activities without the pressure of having a smartphone.
- Focus on Values: Reinforce the values you want to instill in him. Discuss the importance of face-to-face interactions, the risks of social media at a young age, and the enjoyment of being present in the moment.
- Encourage Other Interests: Help him find hobbies or activities that foster friendships outside of technology, such as sports, clubs, or community events. This can provide him with a sense of belonging that doesn’t rely on having the latest gadget.
- Educate on Peer Pressure: Teach him how to handle peer pressure in general. This is a life skill that will serve him well, not just now but in the future as well.
Ultimately, the decision about whether or not to get him a phone is yours to make. If you do choose to get him a phone, perhaps consider a time-limited trial to see how it affects him socially and emotionally.
Remember, navigating childhood social dynamics can be tricky, but your support and understanding will go a long way in helping your son feel valued and secure.
Wishing you and your son all the best,
Warm regards,
Agony Aunt