Concerned Mother: Struggling with My Primary School Daughter’s Anger Issues

Dear Agony Aunt,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to you out of concern for my daughter, who is in primary school. Lately, she has been having extreme issues with anger management. It seems like the smallest things can set her off, and I’m at a loss as to how to help her.

When she gets upset, she tends to shout, and I’ve even noticed her slamming doors after I tell her off or try to guide her. I understand that children can have strong emotions, but this behavior worries me. I want to support her and help her learn how to express her feelings more appropriately, but I don’t know where to start.

I’ve tried talking to her calmly when she’s not upset, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference during those heated moments. I feel like I’m failing as a parent, and I’m concerned about how this might affect her relationships with friends and family as she grows older.

Please, any advice you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, 
A Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your worries about your daughter. It’s clear that you care deeply about her well-being, and acknowledging these issues is an important first step.

Anger management can be a challenge for children, especially at a young age when they are still learning how to process their emotions. Here are a few suggestions that may help you and your daughter navigate this difficult phase:

1. Model Calmness: Children often mirror the behaviors of their parents. When you remain calm during her outbursts, it sets a powerful example. Use a soothing tone and body language to demonstrate how to handle frustration.
2. Teach Emotional Vocabulary: Help her identify and label her emotions. You might say things like, “I can see you’re feeling really angry right now.” This can empower her to express her feelings verbally instead of through shouting or slamming doors.
3. Create a “Calm Down” Plan: Work with her to develop strategies she can use when she feels overwhelmed. This could include taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or having a quiet corner where she can go to cool down.
4. Establish Clear Boundaries: While it’s important to acknowledge her feelings, it’s equally essential to set clear boundaries about acceptable behavior. Let her know that while it’s okay to feel angry, it’s not okay to shout or slam doors.
5. Praise Positive Behavior: Reinforce moments when she handles her anger well. Positive reinforcement can encourage her to continue using the strategies she’s learned.
6. Seek Professional Guidance: If her anger continues to escalate or if you feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a child psychologist or counselor. They can provide tailored strategies and support for both you and your daughter.

Remember, this is a learning process for both you and your daughter. Patience and consistency will go a long way. You’re not failing as a parent; you’re actively seeking solutions, which is commendable.

Take care and best of luck on this journey.

Warm regards,
Agony Aunt