Worried Mother: Son is always alone by himself in school

Dear Agony Aunt,

I hope this email finds you well. I’m reaching out because I’m deeply worried about my son, Jamie, who is in primary school. Lately, I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to fit in with his classmates. I learnt from him that while other kids are playing together during breaks, Jamie often sits alone, reading a book or just watching from the sidelines.

I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he insists that he’s fine and that he enjoys his own company. However, as a mother, my heart aches to see him excluded. I can’t help but wonder if he’s feeling lonely or if he’s missing out on important social interactions that will help him develop friendships and gain confidence.

I want to support him, but I’m unsure how to approach this situation without overwhelming him. Should I talk to his teacher? Or should I encourage him to join activities outside of school? I want him to feel happy and accepted, but I also don’t want to push him too hard. Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your help.

Warm regards,
Worried Mother

Dear Worried Mother,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about Jamie. It’s clear that you care deeply for your son, and it’s completely natural to worry when we see our children struggling, especially with something as crucial as social interactions.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge Jamie’s feelings and experiences. Many children go through phases where they prefer their own company, and it can sometimes be a sign of maturity or introspection. However, your instinct to ensure he has opportunities to connect with peers is commendable and can be beneficial for his emotional well-being.

Here are a few suggestions you might find helpful:

1. Open Conversation: Continue to keep communication open with Jamie. Ask him about his day-to-day experiences in school and how he feels about his classmates. This can sometimes encourage him to share more about his thoughts and feelings.
2. Encourage Group Activities: Consider involving Jamie in group activities outside of school that align with his interests. Whether it’s sports, art classes, or clubs, these settings allow children to bond over shared passions and can foster friendships.
3. Speak with His Teacher: Don’t hesitate to reach out to his teacher. They can provide insights into his behavior in class and during playtime. Teachers often have strategies and resources to help children who may be struggling to connect with others.
4. Be Patient: Remember to be patient. Kids develop social skills at different rates, and sometimes, with a little encouragement and exposure, they can surprise us by how they learn to connect with others.
5. Role-Playing Scenarios: If Jamie is open to it, you can try some role-playing at home. Practice how to approach other kids, start conversations, or join a game. This can build his confidence in social settings.

Above all, reassure him that it’s completely okay to be himself and that friendships will come naturally in time. Your support and understanding will help him navigate his feelings and experiences.

Wishing you both the best,
Agony Aunt