Concerned Mother: Already 9 years old and still can’t befriend others

Dear Agony Aunt,

I hope this email finds you well. I am reaching out because I am deeply concerned about my daughter, who is currently in Primary 4. Despite being a bright and cheerful girl, she seems to struggle with making friends at school. I’ve watched her attempt to join in with classmates during break times, but more often than not, she ends up playing alone.

As a mother, it breaks my heart to see her sitting on the sidelines while other children play together. I want her to have the same joyful experiences that I had at her age. I’ve tried to encourage her to invite friends over and have playdates, but she is hesitant and often declines the idea.

I worry that her inability to connect with peers might affect her self-esteem and happiness. Am I doing something wrong? How can I help her build friendships and feel more comfortable in social situations? I want to support her but don’t know the best approach to take.

Thank you for any advice you can provide.

Warm regards,

Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your heartfelt concerns about your daughter. It’s clear how much you care for her, and your desire to help her navigate her social challenges is commendable.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that many children experience difficulties in making friends, especially during primary school years when social dynamics are still developing. Your daughter may be shy, introverted, or simply need a little extra encouragement and guidance to foster those connections.

Here are a few steps you might consider to help her:

1. Open Communication: Talk to your daughter about her feelings regarding friendships. Ask her how she feels about her classmates and what she thinks might help her connect better. This dialogue can provide insights into her social world and give her an opportunity to express her feelings.
2. Role-Playing: Sometimes, children benefit from practicing social scenarios. You can role-play different situations with her, such as introducing herself to a new classmate or joining a game. This can give her the confidence to approach new interactions.
3. Encourage Interests: Help her find extracurricular activities that align with her interests. Whether it’s a sport, dance, art class, or a book club, engaging in activities she enjoys can help her meet like-minded peers in a more relaxed environment.
4. Set Up Playdates: While she may be hesitant, try to gently encourage her to invite a classmate over for a playdate. Start small—perhaps inviting one friend she seems to get along with. Sometimes, a familiar setting can make socializing easier.
5. Talk to Her Teacher: Reach out to your daughter’s teacher for insights. They may have noticed her interactions in the classroom and might be able to facilitate group activities that allow her to engage with her classmates.
6. Be Patient: Building friendships can take time, and it’s essential to be patient with her process. Celebrate her small successes, whether it’s having a short conversation with a classmate or showing interest in joining a group activity.

Remember, every child is unique, and while some may find friendships easily, others may take longer to form those bonds. Your loving support will undoubtedly help her navigate this journey.

Warm wishes,

Agony Aunt